animation, comics, exhibits, events, etc!

Die by the Pen, and its author Jared Gniewek, will return to their regular slot next Wednesday. This week, Jade Jordan, former reality television superhero takes an intentionally (for the most part) humorous look back at his day(s) in the limelight.

by Jade Jordan

Hello, I’m Jade Jordan, you may remember me as TV’s Darren Passarello …

From the first season of Who Wants to Be a Superhero?…

Nothing? Come on…

Nitro G? 

Right…

Anyway…  Hey, so yeah, I was asked to write for this blog, and I said: “Sure!”

Then I found out how long it had to be and I said “Fu@%!”

So here I am, and not only is this me saying “hey!” but it helps take up word space for the amount of words I’m required to write. (Side note: You’re gonna be seeing some random wordage, just to help take up word space.) Anyway, so, let’s begin…

People ask me: “Darren/Jade, what’s it like to be you?” And I say: “Awesome.” But less importantly, I get asked the following: “What was it like being on TV?”; “Tell us your experiences”; “What’s it like meeting Stan Lee?”; “What’s he like?”; and of course, “Weren’t you that jacka$$ that got kicked off first?”

After beating up the people who ask me that question, I’ll often decide to answer all of those other questions and more, sometimes without demanding my usual $10-a-question fee.   (It’s not “George Clooney money” but hey, dems the breaks.) This just so happens to be one of those times, so read on, freebies don’t come often in life.

Okay, first of all, I was not kicked off first — I was kicked off second. Let’s just get that misconception outta the way. Who was the first? Not me, that’s all you need to know. What got them kicked off? Beats me, like I said, wasn’t me, who cares? (ed: if you do happen to care though, click the link above.)

What got me kicked off? In short, some pre-pubescent little princess with a microphone sticking outta her back. That and the whole getting nude in public thing… but that’s unfair, because I didn’t have any other option. The “real” challenge, or at least the one that was presented to us and the way it was presented… See – like I promised this is one of those times where I yammer on to full up word space, enjoy… Anyway, the challenge was to see who could change into their costume and make it to the finish line the fastest. WE (the cast) all picked numbers and I was second from last to go, Feedback (the ultimate winner of the first season) being the last, he had the benefit of learning from all of our mistakes.  Especially mine.  But I don’t make mistakes, I make happy accidents.  Wait, that doesn’t sound right…  Anyway…

By the time I had to find a place to change, the only two places left were this ditch in the ground and the side of the block. I figured: I’m short, the ditch will work. (Side note and funny story: when Ty’Veculus was doing his challenge, all most people on the street saw was a big black man running with a sack… in the middle of LA… two things that didn’t mix very well to people who didn’t know it was being taped for a TV show…  As someone who did know, it was for the lack of a better word,  amusing, to watch the whole thing unfold.  Ah, racism… and sarcasm. Anyway, where was I? Oh right…)

I figured the ditch would work and as I get there, I realize the ditch is not a ditch at all.  I was screwed. Then I humbly thought: “You know what? F@#! it! Look at Fat Momma — I can definitely beat her on the time aspect.  I mean, come on now.   So, I stripped in public and went for the finish line, and on my way there I see a little girl crying for her mommy… Now, I’m from New York… In my neck of the woods, if you see a little kid cryin’ they probably deserved it… and even if I did go over to her, you think bystanders are gonna believe some creepy guy in spandex didn’t do anything to this girl? Come on now!  So, I ask you, what’s better, being looked at as a loser or a child rapist?

In retrospect, that came out wrong. Ignore that if you can, I’ll try to.

Anyway, I pushed the little girl outta my way and ran to the finish line. Had I known she was part of the challenge would I have helped her? Of course I would have. Well, maybe… Honestly I don’t know, but I do know I had the fastest time out of anyone! That’s gotta count for something, right?

Right…

Next question. What was it like meeting Stan Lee? Only the best experience ever! Wait, scratch that…  Accidently walking in on Jessica Alba peeing in a comic shop bathroom’s the greatest experience ever. That’s a story for another time, but meeting Stan Lee is right up there.  We sat and talked comics for hours. I remember telling him how much I loved Gwen Stacy and how much of an impact her death had on me and I’ll never forget — he looked me in the eyes and said “Hey kid, it’s just a comic book. Let it go, will ya? Sheez.”

Yeah… Good times.

The show itself was a great experience, all one episode of it. Interesting though, that one episode was filmed over 3 days and I was actually in the house for two weeks. I was the only one allowed to stay, because I’m just that awesome! Was there any doubt? Come on now, I’m a rock star! Or at least a guitar hero. Well, that’s what my high score on the game says.

Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway – again that word count thing –  doing the show, gave me a bit of an inflamed ego and why wouldn’t it? I was doing convention after convention, TV shows, even asked to co-host episodes of MTV’s G-Hole.  Another funny story actually, my show premiered around the same time as Heroes and the two casts were doing a press tour together.  Well, one night we were discussing shows and I looked at one of them and said “Yeah, like your show’s gonna last.”

Yeah… funny story.  If you liked that here’s some advice for ya:

If you’re partying at the Ritz one night, don’t drink too much.  But if you do try to remember two things: don’t call Richard Dean Anderson “MacGyver,” turns out he really, really, really hates that; and make sure you know you’re talking to Jeff Bridges and not Beau, before you repeatedly call him “The Dude.”

In the end, did I have a good time? Did I really get anything out of it?

Hell yeah, I did! When the hoopla was over, I was asked by Stan Lee to work for him over at his company, POW! Entertainment.  I gotta tell ya, he’s as awesome at 86, as he was at 83, which is how old he was when I met him.  He’s still sharp and just a really cool guy.

Now, wasn’t I the real winner? I would say so.  I may not have gotten a one-shot McDonald’s comic book, or gone to every convention and signed donuts, or told people I’m in G.I. Joe, but I think I made out pretty well.  I mean, hey, I’m working for The Man, in the best possible way.  I get to wake up every day, and I’m still amazed — not at the fact I wake up everyday, although that is pretty mind blowing — but that when I wake up, I get to talk with Stan on a personal and professional level. It’s every fanboy’s dream, and it goes to show that even if you get naked in public and push a little girl into a water fountain in an attempt to beat an overweight mother of three in a race, you can still come out on top.

But not on top of me because let’s face it, you’re not me. Although, I’m sure you’re pretty great, just not Nitro G great, ya know?

Right…

Well, since I’m not getting paid for this, and it doesn’t count toward any my ordered community service, I should get going. I’ve given too much for free already. Auf Wiedersehen. Adios. Ciao. Danke schön. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Thanks and see ya next time!

I will see you next time, right? Please?

I gotcha.  I’ll be here anyway.

Jade Jordan is the new media specialist and NY satellite for Stan Lee’s LA based POW! Entertainment. He recently earned his BA in film & television with a minor in studio art from Hunter College in New York City. He continues to act and write screenplays, while also working on the creative development of multi-media properties with Filsinger Entertainment.