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On alternating Tuesdays, Allan “Doc” Dorison operates on a specific part of popular culture.

Growing up in suburban New Jersey during the last decades of the 20th Century, there were big class distinctions between Nerds and Jocks. Not exactly like Revenge of the Nerds. No, the “Jocks” were the jocks, but the “Nerds” were actually the head bangers – metal heads who used to read comics, play D&D, and draw pentagrams on any and all available surfaces.  We head bangers were not physically picked on, since we were a relatively big group and there was safety in numbers.  However, we were mercilessly ridiculed.  It’s all kind of funny looking back at things, in light of the recent success of many comic book movies.  Now these jocks are spending their hard-earned cash on comics, so they can catch up on what they made fun of me for.  I love it.  Like the Nerds from those movies, I feel like I have my revenge.

But deep down, I always wish I could have sat down with a Jock and talked – carry on an actual conversation.  School them in the Ways of the Comic Book.  Although it’s a few years later, now may be that time to reach out and bring Jock and Nerd together under the banner of education.  Yes, the Doctor is in, and below is the Jocks Guide to Comic Books.  Read up; you will be tested.

Definitions

• Geek: A carnival performer who does disgusting acts eccentric: A person with an unusual or odd personality. Usage: Hey baby, I used to shove that geek’s head down toilets.
• Nerd: A term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities. Usage: I can’t wait to watch Monday Night Football grrrrr… those Nerds need to turn off Heroes.
• Comic Con: Short for “comic convention.” Place where comic book folk go to gather. Usage: I don’t want to go to that Comic Con, instead I’ll watch American Idol.
• Cosplay: Short for “costume play.” Fans dress up like their favorite comic book, science fiction, or fantasy characters. Usage: Look at that nerd dressed up like Spider-Man. He’s a little too fat for cosplay.
• Adamantium: In the Marvel Universe (relax, it’s a fictional universe, not real) adamantium is the hardest metal. Usage: Not a real universe, huh?
• Kryptonite: Pieces from the destroyed planet Krypton. One of Superman’s only weaknesses. Usage: I was sad when the planet Krypton was destroyed, but at least we can use the kryptonite to stop the aliens from taking over sports.
• Batarang: Batman’s boomerang that’s shaped like a bat. Usage: I want to go to Australia and capture a kangaroo with my Batarang.
• Fast Ball Special: Battle technique in which Colossus pitches his fellow X-Man Wolverine at opponents like a baseball.

Who’s Who

In sports, each player wears a uniform to show what side they’re on.  Normally the uniforms have a name and/or number on them so you can identify each individual player.  In comic books, most, if not all, heroes wear uniforms as well, but they do so mostly to conceal their identities from the public; others do it to just be cool.  The following characters have alter egos.  Remember, even though they have two names, they’re still the same person. Try not to get confused.

• Spider-Man is Peter Parker
• Batman is Bruce Wayne
• Superman is Clark Kent
• Wonder Woman is Diana Troy
• Hulk is Bruce Banner
• The Thing is Ben Grimm
• The Punisher is Frank Castle
• The Flash is Wally West (Jay Garrick, Barry Allen and Bart Allen)
• Wolverine is Logan (He’s also James Hewlett, but we’ll get into that in the advanced course in retro-active continuity or RetCon 201)

Some Important moments in Comics History

Comics have history, believe it or not. That’s true. They did not magically appear out of nowhere like people think. They weren’t found under the third base of Yankee Stadium like the communists would have you believe. No, they were made by men and women – that’s right, jocks, a woman’s place is not always in the kitchen – some who even enjoyed watching a game of baseball.

Below is a list important moments in comic book history:

• 1938 – Action Comics #1 – The First Appearance of Superman (remember, we discussed him before)
• 1939 – Detective Comics #27 – The First Appearance of Batman
• 1962 – Amazing Fantasy #15 – The First Appearance of Spiderman
• 1974 – Incredible Hulk #180 – First Appearance of Wolverine
• 1986 – Important year for comics as Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Watchmen, Maus and Crisis on Infinite Earths are all released.
• 1993 – The Death of Superman (relax, he came back with a mullet)
• 2009 – The first SAC Blog is published. This changes the course of history for ever.

Important People in Comics

Here are some MVPs from the comic world. Without these folks comics wouldn’t be where they are now.

• Stan Lee – co-creator, writer and editor of the Marvel Universe
• Bill Finger – writer believed to be responsible for the creation of Batman
• Frank Miller – writer and artist known for grim, gritty, characters and stories such as Sin City; now a film director, for better or worse
• Will Eisner – cartoonist and teacher, created the Spirit and popularized the “graphic novel”
• Rob Liefield – generally reviled as one of the worst superhero artists in history despite blockbuster sales, creator of unusual anatomy
• Bob Kane – “Golden Age” cartoonist smart enough to proclaim authorship of a character (Batman) and have creator credit put into his contract, entitling him to a life time of royalties for work he may or may not have done
• Jim Steranko – artist who brought 1960s pop art sensibility and design to comic books,  early chronicler of comic history
• Jack Kirby – often called “The King of Comics,” co-created countless characters dating back to the 1930s and invented whole genres of comic books
• Dennis O’Neil – a writer and editor for both DC and Marvel comics groups, best known for his tenure on Batman at which time he killed Robin
• Del Close – noted more for being a comic than creating them, this mentor of John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray et al wrote for DC’s Grimjack – upon his death his skull was left to the Goodman Theatre for use in productions of Hamlet

Practical Use

Now, let’s try and use what we learned today in a conversation with a nerd:

Jock: Dude, I really love Spider-Man!

Nerd: Oh do you?

Jock: Yeah!  While I was beating up your mom, I was also reading Amazing Fantasy #15, featuring the first appearance of Spider-Man as written by Stan Lee.

Nerd: What are you talking about?

Jock: Before I go all grim and gritty on you like it was 1986, I figured I should tell you how much you reminded me of Peter Parker.  He was a nerd, too, y’know.

Nerd: You’re a freak!  I’m out.

Jock: Not so fast, Barry Allen.  Your head has an appointment with this here toilet, and I’m gonna toss you in here like how Colossus tosses Wolverine!  Fast Ball Special!

Wow!!! You did a great Job!!! Keep on practicing and one day you will be one with the Nerd.  Till then stay tuned for future installments of  – A Jock’s Guide to Comics!

Allan Dorison is the event and conference manager for a major financial bank in New York City. He has previously served in a leadership capacity on the executive boards of several comics based organizations. His video parodies of pop culture phenomena can be found at http://www.youtube.com/user/hexo66.