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Justin Maudslien, aka Sub-Human’s Mr. M., explores weird and little known factoids and shares his skewed observations about the world of comics, cartoons and sequential art.

The letter D could stand for many things: “comic book deaths,” “The lost art of 3-D comics,” “The Double D’s of comics,” … but today it stands for the showdown of the two most badass villains in comic book history: Darth Vader and The Demon of Deutschland, the Dork of D-Day, Adolf Hitler.

Most would probably guess the Joker or Dr. Doom, but no. The two most badass villains are Darth Vader and Adolf Hitler. “What!?” you may be screaming, but hear me out.

The categories for selecting these two were based on five categories:
1) Evil intentions
2) Actually succeeding or carrying out said evil plan
3) Background
4) Forces under their command
5) Appearance/Charisma

Lex Luthor, the Joker, the Red Skull, and Dr. Doom are all worthy opponents, but compared to Hitler and Darth Vader, they fail to compare in sheer infamy and evilness. The Joker may be insane and kill innocent people, but he has never succeeded in killing over six million people based solely on their race or culture. Lex Luthor may have become president, but his “genius” has yet to cure his own baldness.

Before the Joker was created, Hitler had already been a decorated officer in World War I, imprisoned after a failed coup, wrote a book, and rose to bring a war-torn, economically depressed Germany to a full-blown war machine that almost took over the world. The Joker (easily my personal favorite villain) has taken over all of reality twice (Emperor Joker storyline and the Hulk/Batman crossover) but has failed to change continuity. To this day the Red Skull follows Hitler’s plan long after he committed suicide.

A long time before that, Darth Vader, a Nubian god, took over a Galactic Senate and destroyed an entire planet just to get some intelligence from an uncooperative Princess. Take that, Dr. Doom, keep crying under that armor.

The debate is over, and if you don’t agree just roll with it. Let’s go to the tale of the tape and get the stats on two of the most badass villains in history.

Full Name:
Herr Adolf Hitler
Sith Lord Darth Vader
The Winner: Being a Sith Lord is far more badass than Chancellor of Germany.

Occupation:
Hitler – Dictator
Darth – Sith Lord/Assistant to the Emperor
The Winner: Hitler. No one wants to be Emperor Palpatine’s little cybernetic lap dog.

Previous Occupation:
Hitler – Decorated German officer in WWI, political prisoner
Darth – Youngest Jedi to be on the council
The Winner: Darth’s ambition could not be controlled even by Mace Windu and his purple lightsaber.

Known For:
Hitler – Turning a depressed Germany into a full-blown war machine, making the trains run on time.
Darth – Betraying the Republic and Jedi Council
The Winner: Hitler, although Darth Vader killed the Jedi padawans with his own lightsaber, it was Hitler who built the Autobahn, restored the pride of a fallen country, and then twisted it to his own ends.  But in his defense, he was good with kids.

Spiritual Beliefs:
Hitler – Rumors he dabbled with the occult, briefly had control of the Ark and the Holy Grail
Darth – Has the Force
The Winner: Darth, the force can control minds, lift spaceships, and choke bitches harder than Wayne Brady.

Relationships:
Hitler – Had a mistress and a dog
Darth – Had a secret marriage with Padme, who died giving birth to his long-lost twins.
The winner: Hitler. Have you seen Blondie? What a cute dog. Also Hitler was smart by having a mistress instead of a secret marriage. Natalie Portman may be hot, but Eva was quite a looker, and she couldn’t take his modified TIE Fighter with a messy divorce.

Soldiers:
Hitler – Nazi Stormtroopers
Darth – Empire Stormtroopers
The Winner: Tie

Origin:
Hitler – Bavaria/Austria, the land of beer and chocolate
Darth – Tatooine, full of sand and womprats you can bullseye with your T16
The Winner: Hitler, the land of chocolate and beer trumps a desert planet any day of the week

Weapon of choice:
Hitler – Pistol
Darth – Lightsaber
The Winner: Darth, quite possibly the most badass, visual appealing weapon… ever.

Handicap:
Hitler – Injured in WWI, rumored to only have one testicle
Darth – Requires machines to breathe and move, has burnt testicles
The Winner: Hitler. Being a uni-ball is better than scar tissue where your balls used to be.

Death:
Hitler – Bullet to the head/poison rather than get taken by the allies
Darth – Emperor’s lightning bolts while trying to save only son and former enemy
The Winner: Hitler, who gave a final middle finger to the world rather than answer for his crimes.

Worst Publicity:
Hitler – Punched by Captain America, a scrawny guy who had to take drugs to pass the entrance exam
Darth – Almost defeated by scrawny son who never completed his training
The Winner: Tie

Established Power By:
Hitler – Propaganda and fear
Darth – Fear by choking people and the Death Star drive-by
The Winner: Hitler may have mastered propaganda and had an impressive Luftwaffe airforce, but all that pales in comparison to the Death Star.

The Final Score:
Hitler – 6
Darth – 6
Tie – 2

“A tie!?” That’s right, the infamous Darth Vader from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away is tied with the ultimate racist dictator from the mid 20th century. Who dares judge which is the lesser of two evils, I dare not.  The only thing I can say for certain is that both were avid readers.

Justin Maudslien is the artist and writer behind Sub-Human (http://www.sub-human.org), a semi-autobiographical comic about a borderline alcoholic fanboy bumbling his way through the Seattle school system as a substitute teacher. He is also the West Coast satellite for the Sequential Art Collective. His more “informal blog” can be found at http://www.myspace.com/subhumanthecomic.