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On alternating Tuesdays, Justin Maudslien, aka Sub-Human’s Mr. M., explores weird and little known factoids and shares his skewed observations about the world of comics, cartoons and sequential art. (All images copyright their respective owners and creators.)

by Justin Maudslien

Be silent, mortals, for the great and powerful Mr. M speaks… and I speak of the “C” word.

Some say “C” is for cookie, but that is not good enough for me.  Today, “C” stands for con, as in comic convention.  New York Comic Con has just passed, and the traditional “Con Season” is quickly approaching, but just as it is always five o’clock somewhere: someone, somewhere is planning a con as I type and you read.

The convention is like a Mecca for fanboys, where their prophets and fellow followers of the flock gather to exchange collectibles, money, and in some unfortunate instances, smells. A con brings a certain segment of our society that celebrates the strange, fantastical, and all those items that nurture our inner geek. You can assume only two things about people at a comic convention: they can read, and they could fork over $20 or more to get into a large event. Everything else is anyone’s guess.

So, here are a few tips to survive a con of any size. Get ready for an experience that rivals Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

Chart a Course for Adventure

Cons happen mainly at major cultural centers. If you do not live in or close to a large city, you may have to fly in to the convention. Plan early and economically. Hotels and airfare are never cheap, especially when thousands of fans flock to the convention, driving the demand higher than the supply. Accommodations may sell out, and you may need to plan an alternative. One year a bunch of fanboys and I got a hotel room outside of Baltimore and had to drive a van into the city. We all thought we were genii until our van broke down in the scariest neighborhood imaginable. Plan your route into the city accordingly.

Apparel Oft Proclaims the Fan

Before going to the con you need to plan your wardrobe, like a teen girl preparing for the prom. If you plan to wear a costume for a contest, just know that every six seconds someone will ask to take a picture with you. It may be fun and fuel your ego, but after the second hour you will be so annoyed. If you plan to dress “normally” you should wear deodorant.  Seriously, wear deodorant or an antiperspirant… and comfortable shoes.  The majority of your time will be spent in lines. An MP3 player or a cell phone filled with mind numbing games also help pass the time while you stand around. Finally, any T-shirt picked out should refrain from showing bias towards one company or comic.  An artist who just signed exclusively to the House of Ideas might not like your “Marvel Can Suck My D!@&” T-shirt.  Just a thought.

TK421 Why are you not at your post?	Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends

List, List O List

The best piece of advice I can give (besides wear deodorant) is to plan ahead and prioritize your con experience. Most cons run over $20 for admission alone.  If you’re going to drop that kind of dough just to walk in the door, have a plan. Make a list prior to the show that consists of the the top ten things you need to do at this convention. If you have a panel you can’t miss, put that on your list. If you have a certain comic you have always wanted, maybe an Amazing Spider-Man #300, put it on your list. If you have a certain con-exclusive figure you have to buy, put it on the… you get the idea.

I am a sucker for sketches, so my list is filled with a few names I must get a sketch from, come hell or high water. Personally, I try to wear Hawaiian shirts with alcohol on them so when I ask for a “villains drinking” sketch they know I’m serious (or as serious as you can be when wearing a Hawaiian shirt).  I make sure to list every artist at the con with what they worked on and what I would like sketched by them. Unfortunately, I started doing this after I was embarrassed when I praised an artist for a book he didn’t work on.

Another fine acquisition. The talented Matt. Murray (on the right) with his “Liefeld” style, and Mr. M (which is me) on the left.

A Fan and Their Money Are Soon Parted

I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.  If you look hard you will find the deal of the century.   Just make sure you didn’t blow your entire budget on $1 comics before you get to it.  In the past, I would bring $200 cash and that was it. Sure enough, I would find three original art pages from one of my favorite titles for $60 each.  Now I’m down to $20.   I would turn around and see a stack of old Wolverine comics for $25 and I would have to run to the nearest bank like a crack addict to his dealer.  Know your budget and carry all forms of currency on you.  Most dealers take cards, but don’t rely on it. Most artists deal only in cash. Countless times I have had to leave the con to find an ATM, and the one I usually find hits me with a surcharge to get cash.

Slave of Your Surroundings

The con can be overwhelming, intimidating and if it is large enough — you may even get lost. At the beginning of your experience, do a “once over” lap.  Know where the restrooms and exits are at all costs. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you have obviously never had the overpriced and intestinally-unfriendly food served at these cons.  Which reminds me of some sage advice passed on to me, bring a sack lunch. Brown baggin’ the comfort food is essential for the budget and blood sugar levels.

Which way to the restroom?!

For example: you’ve worked up an appetite waiting in the Jim Lee line for four hours, and still have two to go; finally, with shaking hands and a cringing smile, you pass him a few books to sign and he keeps his thoughts of “FREAK” politely in his head.

Not that I know from first-hand knowledge.

During your once-over you should pass the free table. This wondrous invention is full of free promotional items for the taking. However, should you be an artist, blogger or almost anything else for that matter, feel free to deposit your own promotional items. Most people just take one of each and then go through it a few days later at their leisure. If you have an interesting card or promotional flyer, get ready for some heavy traffic to come your way.

See that guy dressed like Grand Admiral Tarkin? Yeah, he probably has never touched a girl. And that scantily-clad girl he is leering at? She’s a “booth babe.” They’re temporary help used by companies to draw pasty comic readers to the booth with their beauty – much the way sirens of old lured sailors to their deaths.

Curse you, foul vixen! I have run out of money!

The Holiest of Holies: Artist Alley

There are a certain places I visit where I suddenly understand the Belinda Carlisle song “Heaven is a place on Earth,” and Artist Alley is one of those places. This quarantined section of the con is reserved for various creators (writers, pencillers, and inkers) in the industry. Some will be legends and others will be creepy people that draw stick figures. My advice, besides wearing deodorant, is to plan ahead. Most of the tables will be mediocre inkers, assorted hacks, and people who desperately want to be noticed. However, mixed in with those are astounding artists yet to be discovered, amazing talent already established, and occasionally the comic mega star that has yet to get that dreaded “Liefeld” ego.

Most artists with a booth are there for two reasons: to network (which does not involve you) and to make money (which does involve you). Many will have original art or merchandise for sale, or you can commission a sketch. Commission lists fill quickly, so knock over Unemployed Skeletor in a mad rush if you really want to get a famous artist to sketch for you.  Prices are normally firm, but bartering is never out of the question. Some artists will give you a quick sketch for free, especially if you buy something from them.   If you are going to ask for a specific character have a printed reference ready.  Once I asked a Green Lantern artist to draw Sinestro and he didn’t know who he was!   I’ve gotten some nice detailed sketches for free because I also picked up a few original pages.  But, no matter how outrageous the prices or even if the particular artist has a wicked case of “Prick’s Disease,” be friendly. Remember, they are stuck behind this table with a constant trickle of greasy nerds fawning over them and there is a good chance they ate some of the overpriced and intestinal unfriendly food.

Here are some of my lucky finds in con sketch hunting.

My sketchbook cover, by Ryan Dunlavey

Dr. Doom, by Mike McKone

Joker, by Scott Hanna

Also remember the prints behind them or on the table are finished products, which have been touched up. More than a few times I dropped some money on what looked like a fantastic artist to get this crappy scribble I could have done in fourth grade. I don’t want to insult anyone, but a certain cover artist charges $30 for a piece that will make you ask, “Is that the White Queen or Gleek, the Wonder Twins’ monkey?” Wonder Twin Powers activate! Form of Disappointed Consumer!

Many people bring comics to be signed by the people who worked on the book. Some of those people are under the impression that the book will increase in value, but the sad reality is most comic book stores will give you less when buying signed comics.  Store buyers have no idea if it the signature is authentic and even if it is, the comic is no longer in mint condition because someone wrote on the cover with a sharpie. Sometimes multiple signatures go for more on eBay, but all those signatures mean is you just spent a huge amount of times in lines.  Getting a comic signed should be a way to show your appreciation to the artist and develop a bond. Don’t be a greedy bastard and bring more than five comics to any one person to sign. The artist makes a living with his hands and really doesn’t need to develop tendonitis from signing every comic he has ever worked on. You must choose, but choose wisely. Also an extra tip – bring a few Sharpies with you.

Many times artists will move to another table to network, and if you are polite, and recognize them, they most likely will sign books for a fan.

The Observer Observed

If you are not just the occasional reader of comics, perhaps you dream of joining the legions of underpaid creators working in the industry. Well, here in Artist Alley is your chance to shine.  Bring a portfolio of your work and have editors and artists look it over. Be accepting of criticism, because they are trying to help you. You may think your version of Batman looks like it was drawn by Jim Lee, but they may think it looks like it was drawn by Sara Lee.  (More renowned for her pound cakes than her Penguins.) Be polite, and again, wear deodorant.  Even if you’re the most amazing artist, you will have trouble finding steady work if you have a poor work ethic, or just a bad attitude in general.

Celebrity Cemetery

Often past Artist Alley you’ll find a strange land of “celebrities.” That loose terminology could include people who made a cameo in a bad science fiction movie three decades ago, a former Playmate, or a professional wrestler. If getting autographs is your thing, more power to you. Just remember, your life will be much easier if you wear deodorant. My list of priorities usually don’t allow for time to get any media star autographs, but once I did have an actor from a certain ’70s superhero show hit on my girlfriend right in front of me. I would have said something but his bicep was larger than my waist.

One of Us!  One of Us!

After a few years you may want to know how to get into these functions for free. Maybe you just don’t want to wait hours outside the convention in the rain for the doors to open. There are a few ways to get into a convention for free, but be warned, they are things that you can’t undo. No amount of showering will scrub away that dirty feeling, no amount of money saved can compensate knowing you made your mother cry.

If you have talent, buy a table [ed: this isn’t exactly “free”…]. Put up a sign with your name and a few examples of your drawing style. You don’t have to camp out the entire day at your table, and having your own table might give you some street cred with the other artists.

If you don’t want to drop a few hundred bucks on a table, volunteer at the convention or a local comic-related non-profit organization. If you are really desperate, volunteer to carry and load an artist’s supplies into the convention. They can usually bring a few guests, which may include the guy who moves his goods.

And Remember…

No matter how much you plan ahead, leave room in your day to just explore and soak up the con. I’ve seen some strange things over the years, and just when I thought I’ve seen it all someone exceeds my nerdy expectations. For example, have you ever seen a fat guy dressed like a Jedi sprint? I have, and it wasn’t pretty. But anything that important to a Star Wars fan had to be worth seeing. I too began to sprint, probably the first time since the ’80s. I can only imagine two things that would make me build up speed to a sprint, one would be a sketch from Adam Hughes, the other an autograph from Stan Lee. He was running to get tickets for a Frank Miller signing and he grabbed the last one.  I was left wheezing and empty handed. Curse my Force-deprived legs!

All is fair in love and war…and cons. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to do as much as possible in a very short amount of time. Remember to prioritize, but be flexible. There is no possible way to do everything, and if you try you are going to end up in the corner with all the bored girlfriends who can’t believe the nerds flock together in such numbers. So, in closing, don’t give fanboys a bad name, and in case you missed it earlier, WEAR DEODORANT!

Now click here to see your peeps in all their undeodorized glory. 

Justin Maudslien is the artist and writer behind Sub-Human (http://www.sub-human.org), a semi-autobiographical comic about a borderline alcoholic fanboy bumbling his way through the Seattle school system as a substitute teacher. He is also the West Coast satellite for the Sequential Art Collective. His more “informal blog” can be found at http://www.myspace.com/subhumanthecomic.